on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
