I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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