I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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