Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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