i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
