No awkward lesbian experiences without me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
