GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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