dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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