Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
