Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize