goodnight i made you a song goodbye
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
