it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
