But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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