Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize