NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
