if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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