you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
