So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
