We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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