As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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