He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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