I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
