no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
