you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
