It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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