We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
