he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
