LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
