Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
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He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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