I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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