weddingsv make me drug and hornr
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
