just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
