I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
