I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
