1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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