just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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