hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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