Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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