I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
