just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
