Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
