my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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