it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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