No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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