I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
