So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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