I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
please come you make the beer taste better
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
