Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
