I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
