You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
