wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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