your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
