I never want to see another naked old woman again.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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