I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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