Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
