Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
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k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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