I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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