worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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