are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
