how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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