No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
