Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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