you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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