1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
