I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
