Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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