After last night, I could never be a politician.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
