people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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