Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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