There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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