Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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