I puked a lego.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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