weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
