Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
