as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
