I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
